Just Saren
by ninalanfer
Summary: Solo Saren - A bad call and a few day dreams later and Saren Arterius really struggles with not picturing bending Nihlus over a table and… Intermission in Super Psycho Love, post chapter 04 (Not Him). We get to see Saren's view on things for a moment. Oneshot set in "Nihlus the Survivalist" universe (Part 02). Masskink prompt. Complete.


Solo Saren - A bad call and a few day dreams later and Saren Arterius really struggles with not picturing bending Nihlus over a table and… Intermission in Super Psycho Love, post chapter 04 (Not Him). We get to see Saren's view on things for a moment. Oneshot set in "Nihlus the Survivalist" universe (Part 02). Masskink prompt. Complete.

.-oOo-.

He had been looking forward to spending a few hours talking to Nihlus. Sure it was just about the mission. But Saren wasn't one to spend time on small talk. He hated small talk, it was a waste of time. Unless a discussion had a purpose he'd rather be doing something productive.

It'd been a good while since he had the chance to spend time with his protégé too. Ever since the kidnapping Nihlus had been back at the Citadel working on his rehabilitation and Saren had been busy with his Spectre duties. So he had called him up to discuss the details of the young turian's first mission on his own. It was a rather important occasion for Saren. He was picky on the verge of absurdity, but he had found Nihlus worthy. He even dared to say he was proud of him.

Then this had happened. The sight of the beautiful woman next to his protégé in bed had felt like a punch in the guts. It hadn't been long since he finally caved for the young turian's advances. Even though he'd tried to ignore it he wasn't blind. Nihlus had been pursuing him sexually for some time now. But Saren had refused. It was simply a bad idea.

If you saw past the fact that he was his mentor and superior it was still unwise at best. Nihlus was a friend, or as close to one Saren had had in many, many years. A Spectre's life was an unsafe one, none of them got to live until a very old age. Building an attachment, of any kind, was dangerous, for both parties. Nothing was as clear to Saren as this fact right now. His next mission could be his last, and whoever stood him close could end up a target if his enemies wanted to get to him. As his protégé had just proven without a doubt.

Saren didn't know what he'd done if he'd lost him. No... Getting together with Nihlus was just a bad idea. He was too close. He had seen his colleagues do the same mistake in the past. Intelligent men and women who had fallen in love and then been destroyed when the partner had died because of them. Or on the other side of things, when their partner had gone mad with grief when the inevitable happened and something finally got the Spectre.

Saren had made mistakes, he was the first to admit he wasn't prefect. He hadn't been able to control himself when he finally found Nihlus. Overcome with relief he had kissed the man, and again given in to his urges later on when his student asked for more. But he'd caught himself in the nick if time, before this went any further. He could hardly stand the thought of losing the younger turian now. He was in the risk zone of something worse if they went down that path.

Saren knew all about grief and losing the people you loved. He had almost been destroyed when he'd lost his brother. He didn't think, no, he knew, he couldn't go through that again.

So he had pulled back, created some distance between himself and the young turian. It was only good sense, and now Nihlus would go on to run his own missions. As a last test before he got his Spectre status. It was of course not the only reason Saren had suggested this new course of action to the Council. He really thought he was ready, but it was the last straw that tipped the scale and made him start to actually consider it.

So if he was supposed to be so detached from the other man, why did it hurt so bad when he saw him with that woman?

Saren pulled his shirt up over his head and threw it in the laundry bin. He resumed getting undressed for bed. It was late, and he was still angry over the call. He wouldn't be able to focus on anything productive so he could just as well get some sleep. He threw himself into his bed and made sure his hand gun was within reaching distance. Sure he was in FTL flight between two star systems, but you never knew if you would be intercepted, and it had saved his life more than once to have a gun close by.

Unfortunately his mind wasn't very tired and it started to repeat the call from earlier. He hadn't been able to keep from giving the dark turian an appreciative smile when he had answered without a shirt. Sure Saren had seen him naked on more than one occasion. You didn't live and fight next to someone for so long without it. But just as back then his lean physique and wide shoulder still made his stomach twitch slightly.

Of course Saren wasn't the only one who thought so. Damn that boy and his good looks. Everything from the beautifully contrasting colony marks and his green charming eyes down to the self assured way he moved and that deep raspy voice made everything closely resembling humanoid turn their heads after him and start to breath rapidly. And yes, he was good looking, and yes, that's what drew people in. But what Saren really had a hard time resisting was his mind. Behind that smug grin and bad-boy bravado that made the ladies flock around him was a mind almost as sharp as Saren's own. Given time the young boy would mature and develop into a fiercely smart man. He was already a great tactician and problem solver. Again and again he had astonished Saren with his original solutions when they had found themselves up to the neck in enemies and not enough thermal clips to spare.

That was the next thing that Saren couldn't deny him. Nihlus with a gun was pure sex.

He slowly became aware of his growing interest as his plates shifted and he got to feel just how soft the sheaths really were. He groaned into his pillow in frustration, this was not welcome. Had he not been deep out in space he would have called up one of his lovers for a late night round. He had one of them not far away from his next jump. Maybe he should take the time to visit. It had been a while since last time, he'd been too busy with work and quite frankly hadn't had much interest as of late.

_Now that's a lie, and you know it. Your interest have just been very particular._ Yes, well... apparently that interest had found someone else to relax with. _Like you don't?_ True but... Why did he even have this conversation? Nihlus was a bad idea! He thought he had decided that weeks ago. _So why were you so eager to talk to him tonight?_

Saren sighed deeply and turned slightly in the bed to get a more comfortable position. The soft covers stroked him and made him throb.

It really had been a while since last time it turned out as he tried to ignore it for it to go down without success. He considered a cold shower, but maybe he should indulge this time? Apparently that was what all the cool kids were doing tonight.

Another groan slipped out of him when he thought of Nihlus next to that woman. What had they been up to earlier? Saren had glimpsed the indentations of teeth on her neck. Had he bit her? How had that felt like? Having Nihlus teeth in his skin. He felt himself twitch by the thought of a strong jaw locked against his neck.

Saren sighed one last time and started trailing his hands down under his cover and grip his length. He was doing this, there was no way around it now. His inner voice chanted: _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid..._ And yes, it was, but he was already too long gone into his fantasy to really register it properly.

He rocked his hips down into the bed, slick skin sliding against his fingers. His breath started to turn up its pace. Had Nihlus been breathing hard earlier? Had he moaned like he did when Saren touched his waist a few weeks ago while patching him up? That sound had shot right into him, making his breath stop and senses become alert. He had smelled the arousal coming from the younger turian in waves. Just because he had touched him slightly over the waist!

Saren thrust his hips harder and faster into his hand, bracing his weight slightly on his other hand and knees.

How far would it have been able to go if Nihlus hadn't been so injured? What would have become of those kisses that they shared when he had dragged him down on top of him. _Oh, don't fool yourself, you wanted to, just as much as he seemed to._

Yes, he had. He had wanted to grab his neck and push his tongue between dark lips for hours. He had wanted to hold Nihlus down by the shoulders as he made space between his legs and ground down on him.

Saren bit into the pillow, slightly ripping the fabric with his teeth as he moved his hand up and down in counterpoint to his hips. Sounds wanted to force their way out of him. Desperate sounds of longing and need. Of wanting so much, but getting too little. His insides were aflame and they burned hot above a cold pit in his stomach that told him that he would never have any of that. Couldn't have any of that. He closed his eyes and tried to push that feeling away, that feeling that wanted to make him keen and cry out Nihlus name over and over again. He closed his fingers tighter around himself, thumbing the tip and his back arched in pleasure.

What if he hadn't taken a step back from him that day when he left him to be rolled into the operation room? Would he have been the one to share a bed with the Spectre to be tonight? The thought stabbed deep in his chest, the pain putting more fuel on the fire inside him. What would the dark skinned turian have said if Saren had bent him over a table tonight? Would he have protested? Or would he maybe even have liked it? Would he have pushed back against pale hips in a silent plea to hurry up and take him? Rumbling just as he had done while they were kissing, in that deep needy tone.

Now a sound did slip out of Saren. The stimuli too much as he thrusted down into his hand and further onto the sheaths below. Each stroke pumping the tension to build at his root.

When he started to imagine how it would feel to have Nihlus' soft insides wrapped around himself he couldn't keep the noises from coming out any longer. His ears were filled with the sound of his own heartbeat, his lustful and desperate keening and the slightly wet, squishy sound of his length sliding up and down between pale fingers. Even though he was alone on the ship, and he knew no one would be able to hear him, he turned his face into the pillow to stifle the moans.

Saren couldn't wash out the image of Nihlus, on his back, in bed, with his head thrown back. His entire long and muscular neck splayed out in trust and hope and submission. Saren would force his legs apart as long as they would go before he bit down into it.

"Fuck..." he moaned and tried to catch some breath inside the soft fabrics.

He wanted to be able to do that so badly it consumed his entire body. He wanted to fuck Nihlus until the turian didn't know what to do with himself any longer. The things that he could show him... the things that he could do to him. All the sounds and smells he could draw out of the younger man...

His thumb hugged down in every crease between the ridges and pleasure shot again and again through him. It was quickly getting too much, way too much. But he didn't want to stop. He was floating on the mystical high of endorphins and every move he made, ever tug and buck felt like heaven. Saren was aware when he had reached that plateau were there was no return and he drove himself onwards towards the edge.

All the things that he could do to Nihlus flashed before his closed eyes. They stayed on one particular one were he had him up against the wall. Dark talons on red fingers dug into his arms and shoulders deep enough to draw blood and he was screaming out his pleasure as he reached his climax. He would scream Saren's name, he'd make sure of that.

The edge was reached and he was hurled over it, his legs twitching and his torso cramping as he worked his hand in a frenzy. Saren heard himself call out Nihlus name and thanked all the spirits he was lone. He fell and fell, pleasure rushing through his body while it jerked and squirmed until everything was too much. Every sensation was to extreme.

He let go and tried to relax his muscles, tried to get some air back into his lungs while he felt a brewing headache coming on in the back of his neck.

"Holy fuck," he breathed to himself in the deafening silence. All he could hear was the tinnitus in his ears that came after being too tense for too long and the reliable thrumming of the engines below.

He turned onto his back, rolling away from the wet spot on his sheaths and covered his eyes with his arms. That had been intense. But he felt incredibly relaxed now, if only the cold feeling of despair could just let him be. Being with Nihlus would never happen. Or maybe... _No, stop that._

Another deep sigh escaped him and Saren wished life could be simpler. But life wasn't and he should just forget about this stupid obsession and move on. Maybe after he released his protege onto the world he could. Until then... well... He had plenty of other lovers to fill the void.

That same sarcastic voice in the back of his head told him that that would just be futile, but Saren did his best to ignore it.


End file.
